My letter to Gabriel's Teacher
Dear Mrs. Helms,
Thank you very much for taking the time to write us a note about Gabriel’s tendency to stand
there and watch instead of immediately starting on his tasks.
I had a long talk with him about this issue and I am hoping he will show some improvement. I
know it is frustrating to have to deal with some of his idiosyncracies. I’m writing you this letter
not necessarily in response to this specific issue, but just to give you a little more insight into
Gabriel’s personality, which can be kind of hard to gauge in school because he’s so quiet.
Gabriel is very inquisitive and it is his nature to systematically test things until he understands
every nuance to his satisfaction. He can also be quite the contrarian and from very early on he
began to question things instead of just simply taking our word for it.
Most of the time he is willing to do as he is told but often he demands to know why first. He also
regularly meets our demands and explanations with a healthy dose of skepticism and he often
comes up some ingenious counter arguments and theories of his own.
As you have already experienced this can be somewhat trying at times. Sometimes we wish he
would treat our word as gospel and do exactly as he is told, without asking so many questions,
but alas, that’s just not his nature.
When I spoke to him about starting and finishing his work on time, his eyes lit up and he became
very animated and engaged and started asking question after question:
“Why do I have to start my work right away?”
“What happens if I don’t start my work right away?”
“What happens if I don’t finish?”
“Is not finishing bad?”
“Why?”
“Will I fail?”
“Why is failing bad?”
Etc. etc, etc...
While this is happening he often gets this gleeful look in his eye and he keeps digging and poking
around for satisfactory answers until he solves whatever mystery he is trying to solve.
I have seen this look in his eye before. One time Gabriel happened to overhear a comedy routine
containing the phrase “God, I hate you!” And began repeating it over and over. We admonished
him and explained that it was very bad language and it shouldn’t be repeated.
Gabriel kept testing the limits by rearranging the words and saying other sentences with some of
the words in them, all the while closely observing our reactions.
Then he wanted to know exactly why it was bad and exactly what part of it was bad:
“Is it bad to say God?”
“Why?”
“Is it bad to say hate?”
“Why is it bad to say hate?”
“Is it bad to hate people?”
“Is it bad to hate things?”
“If I hate vegetables is that bad?”
“What if you hate a bad guy, is that bad?”
“Do you hate it when I say hate?”
Etc, etc, etc.
He is quite rule-oriented and by the book, but sometimes it seems that he is writing his own book
as he goes along. Sometimes it takes him a little longer to get where we want him to be and
dealing with this requires patience. We find that he wants to have things explained to him so that
he can understand what the rules are and why they are set up the way they are.
If it is any comfort, I believe these traits are deeply ingrained in his personality and have nothing
to do with you or your class. When you couple his inherent skepticism with the fact that he is
shy, sometimes he will do things, or refuse to do things for no apparent reason and he won’t tell
you why.
Gabriel has already made enormous strides in your class. It is obvious to us that he really likes it
and finds it intellectually stimulating. He is constantly singing the new songs he has learned there
around the house and uses the “rich language” he is learning every chance he gets. He also takes
great pride whenever he is awarded a star, a sticker or a certificate. If he doesn’t finish his work
feel free to put a sad face on his paper and we will explain it to him when he gets home.
I am very familiar with his contrarian streak, his skepticism and his tendency to question
authority. My mom says I just like that when I was a kid (and I had a big mouth to boot!) I can
still remember the notes my first grade teacher sent to my father complaining because I was
always being “a smart aleck.” For the rest of my academic career many of my teachers loved me,
but a few of my teachers really hated me -- and looking back on things I can’t say that I really
blame the ones that didn’t like me, because I was a real pain in the rear.
In closing, please keep up the good work and try to stay patient with Gabriel. I’m sure he’ll come
around eventually.
Regards,
Israel
Thank you very much for taking the time to write us a note about Gabriel’s tendency to stand
there and watch instead of immediately starting on his tasks.
I had a long talk with him about this issue and I am hoping he will show some improvement. I
know it is frustrating to have to deal with some of his idiosyncracies. I’m writing you this letter
not necessarily in response to this specific issue, but just to give you a little more insight into
Gabriel’s personality, which can be kind of hard to gauge in school because he’s so quiet.
Gabriel is very inquisitive and it is his nature to systematically test things until he understands
every nuance to his satisfaction. He can also be quite the contrarian and from very early on he
began to question things instead of just simply taking our word for it.
Most of the time he is willing to do as he is told but often he demands to know why first. He also
regularly meets our demands and explanations with a healthy dose of skepticism and he often
comes up some ingenious counter arguments and theories of his own.
As you have already experienced this can be somewhat trying at times. Sometimes we wish he
would treat our word as gospel and do exactly as he is told, without asking so many questions,
but alas, that’s just not his nature.
When I spoke to him about starting and finishing his work on time, his eyes lit up and he became
very animated and engaged and started asking question after question:
“Why do I have to start my work right away?”
“What happens if I don’t start my work right away?”
“What happens if I don’t finish?”
“Is not finishing bad?”
“Why?”
“Will I fail?”
“Why is failing bad?”
Etc. etc, etc...
While this is happening he often gets this gleeful look in his eye and he keeps digging and poking
around for satisfactory answers until he solves whatever mystery he is trying to solve.
I have seen this look in his eye before. One time Gabriel happened to overhear a comedy routine
containing the phrase “God, I hate you!” And began repeating it over and over. We admonished
him and explained that it was very bad language and it shouldn’t be repeated.
Gabriel kept testing the limits by rearranging the words and saying other sentences with some of
the words in them, all the while closely observing our reactions.
Then he wanted to know exactly why it was bad and exactly what part of it was bad:
“Is it bad to say God?”
“Why?”
“Is it bad to say hate?”
“Why is it bad to say hate?”
“Is it bad to hate people?”
“Is it bad to hate things?”
“If I hate vegetables is that bad?”
“What if you hate a bad guy, is that bad?”
“Do you hate it when I say hate?”
Etc, etc, etc.
He is quite rule-oriented and by the book, but sometimes it seems that he is writing his own book
as he goes along. Sometimes it takes him a little longer to get where we want him to be and
dealing with this requires patience. We find that he wants to have things explained to him so that
he can understand what the rules are and why they are set up the way they are.
If it is any comfort, I believe these traits are deeply ingrained in his personality and have nothing
to do with you or your class. When you couple his inherent skepticism with the fact that he is
shy, sometimes he will do things, or refuse to do things for no apparent reason and he won’t tell
you why.
Gabriel has already made enormous strides in your class. It is obvious to us that he really likes it
and finds it intellectually stimulating. He is constantly singing the new songs he has learned there
around the house and uses the “rich language” he is learning every chance he gets. He also takes
great pride whenever he is awarded a star, a sticker or a certificate. If he doesn’t finish his work
feel free to put a sad face on his paper and we will explain it to him when he gets home.
I am very familiar with his contrarian streak, his skepticism and his tendency to question
authority. My mom says I just like that when I was a kid (and I had a big mouth to boot!) I can
still remember the notes my first grade teacher sent to my father complaining because I was
always being “a smart aleck.” For the rest of my academic career many of my teachers loved me,
but a few of my teachers really hated me -- and looking back on things I can’t say that I really
blame the ones that didn’t like me, because I was a real pain in the rear.
In closing, please keep up the good work and try to stay patient with Gabriel. I’m sure he’ll come
around eventually.
Regards,
Israel
posted by Israel at 8:55 PM
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